Hi,

I'm back. So many times I've seen something and felt the need to rant about it, yet have not had the vessel with which to rant. There was some offence taken to the last rant I did some months ago. My poor wording made some people feel they had been painted in an unflattering light and that was never my intention, however I thought, "What if I do it again? What if I inadvertently call someone a son of a gumboot? What if? What if? What if?"

There was also the issue of language. Yes, this is a family friendly forum and while I'd like to think I have a fairly wide and varied spread of the English language, I do enjoy swearing with much gusto. Used properly, some swear words can help deliver a message, make a point or are, at times, incredibly hilarious. Needless to say, there will not be 1980s-Eddie Murphy-levels of use of the word motherf8cker, however I figure that if I really want to make a point and the f*bomb does land in there once or twice, perhaps just read it and move on. This section is by adults, for adults and let's face it, no kid wants to read 600 words of Gen X rantings, especially if there are no pictures, so perhaps steer them somewhere else... like to a Playstation, where in "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas", they can have sex with hookers, kill them and steal their money back. But there's no swearing.

In the game, San Andreas is a Californian-style environment, with big cities that resemble LA, San Francisco and Las Vegas...

Which brings me to the reason for the rant. I'm going to San Andreas. Well, not the fictional Playstation town, but the actual fault line. And I leave tomorrow. I figured I'd need a vessel for ranting more than ever. Sure, I could send a dozen group emails over the time I was gone, but travel emails are like long postcards; "We went to Hollywood and Wally World and the kids threw up a lot". I'm kidless so far, so I can rant about whatever I feel like and can bitch and moan about other people's kids that are throwing up, rather than taking pictures of them and showing people how cute they are.

I could use Facebook as a vessel with which to rant about holidays, however out of all the friends I have on Facebook, there are some I don't really know overly well, and there are a couple I know TOO well, and advertising that I'm away for some time seems like utter, utter folly. So Bellett.net can feel the brunt of my rantings. The good news is that some of you I know well enough to know you won't steal my stuff, while the rest of you are too far away to do anything about it anyway. And, truth be known, my stuff isn't that great. DVD players are worth nothing these days and my television is still a cathode ray tube that bathes us in dangerous radiation every night. And Belletts aren't worth stealing either!

I am going to miss fanging around the ratBellett. It drives so well, although it's got a wobble in the steering while the brakes are being applied, a palsy it has only just recently developed. The handling is still good and the rust, well that doesn't affect the handling... The Florian I can give or take; it needs some tappet adjustments and some other bits and pieces I haven't got around to yet. We'll have some bonding when I return as the DeFlorian will be coming to the Nationals.

So I will be trading small, peppy, well-built Japanese cars for large, fat, poorly-built Ford Crown Victorias. The vehicle of choice for both cops and taxi drivers alike, we actually spent extra on car rental so we could drive these barges. Hey, no point going to the USA and renting a Mazda 6; I could stay here and do that and save the airfares. Nope, it's only bona-fide Septic Tanks for us! Four-point-six LITERS (not litres) of Ford V8 power in a two-tonne land barge. It will take us around LA and to Las Vegas, where en route I plan to pour beer on my chest to aid the tanning process. Hunter S Thompson's attorney pioneered it in 1971's "Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas" and I'm going to champion it so very soon.

So yeah, looking back, this rant isn't really especially that funny, nor that interesting, but it does set the scene for what is to come. Hopefully I can impart some musings and some reflections without also imparting a cardiac infarction. In did use a swear-word here, but I self edited it with a * and I only used it once and for legitimate reasons. And tonite, I plan to finish packing and try to stay up late to adjust the body clock. Might fire up the Playstation and kill me some hookers.

Cheers,


Dave

Hey that Dave guy's got his head screwed on right. He's awesome. Yay.

Cheers,

Testuser

Thanks Testuser.

Cheers,

Dave

hey Dave, Good to read a rant, it has been so long since I have had a good read, mate watch out for them thar Yanks they drive on the wrong side of the road. Have a good trip
Geoff

Hi Dave

I enjoyed your rants and I will look forward to see if you rant (good or bad) after your visit ... have a fun time.
There are alot of Japanese car collectors in Cali ... and on the west coast in general.

Later
Mark

Not that funny or interesting, hey ????..........And who said "cardiac inf**rction" wasn't a swear word ?? Is that also a contradiction that your back but gone at the same time? The truth is you'll never be that far away from "bellettness" or your friends.

May you drive many a giant, high powered sardine cans on wheels. May you also broaden your beer belly as well as your horizons. Good luck and "bon voyagie"

This is the beginning of a good thing, and like others, looking forward to chapter one after this initial prolog.

B

Seriously mate if you can get this rant thing dialed I reckon you could be our very on J. Clarkson which would make you very rich or extremely disliked.
The only guy on TG Oz that was any good was a trumpet player or something the rest are ****.
Could you do it better I think so ...

... so rant away.
I will be delighted to tell my kiddies (if I have any) that I knew ol' Dave when he just started out ya know.

Oh and you didn't want that light on your bike did you

Cheers
Rob

Hahha thanks guys; I assume that if I'd got in first on having irritable, vaguely car-related rantings, I'd be the rich, balding madman with the expensive cars... but he had a headstart on me, and I assume he did something useful first like... became a journalist. THEN became the hilarious wanker he is today.

One thing I do know about America is that it's usually Australia 10-20 years in the future. We're only just getting chicken-in-a-can... so when I see the latest trends over there, I'll let you know what you should invest in (edible shoes? Amish gangsta rap? There'll be something...).

Oh, yeah I meant to say; I did actually apply for Top Gear Australia. I spent a LOT of time putting together a video (which will never be seen trust me) and the Bellett GT did feature in a bit of it! Might have been why they passed on me.

As it turns out, it might have been for the best NOT to do it. It was gay*!!!


*refer previous rants about the use of the word gay

So, you kept all those rants someplace - pretty tricky. (I karng do mutch wif puters)
Go the rave!
And have a good time burnin that cheap crude 'up over'.
So, bringing back a Bellel? Or just a couple of cheap Mustangs to pay for the trip?
Now Adelaide is only about 1000 k's.........and Dave's got those model servos with all them mini cars........ Naaaahh, put it outa ya head!
Keep it on the right side,
Cheers mate,
Matt.